.dark and twisted.

Have you ever imagined yourself to be someone else?
Someone that nobody thought you could be.... Even yourself...

A flirt
A psycho
A descendant from royalty
An alien
A cannibal
A superhero
?????

Well I thought I was someone else at a point in my life. Someone that none of you would have ever guessed if given a million years.
*Though I would love to hear all the silly answers people would guess*

I was watching an episode from Brothers and Sisters earlier this afternoon and I realised what a wonderful family they are. But screw it. Families like that never exist in real life. Its just way to much drama. But I still love it anyway!

Anyway, there is these two gay characters who are married, Kevin and Scotty. So while I was watching them be so into one another in that episode it made me recap about my big, dark and twisted secret.

I'm sure you've guessed it by now.....


I thought I was a lesbian.


Mind you the word used is "thought".
NOT "was".

I'm sure at one point in a person's life they are surely to wonder if there is a possibility that they might be a homosexual.
*No point hiding it. I know it's true. :) *


That point in my life happened when I was 15 years old.
I was watching the first part of Cruel Intentions. It came to the part where Kathryn was trying to teach Cecile how to kiss a guy and at that short moment I wondered.....

It was the best lesbian kiss ever, that's for sure.
And after that scene, my mind could not stop going places where it should not go.
Images started popping out in my head and the flow of it just could not stop! It was just like when you have diarrhoea - Its keeps on coming and you can't stop it!!!
*Ok.... Bad example I know but I can't think of any another.*

"Could I be a lesbian?"
"What if I really am?"
"Does checking out hot girls make me a lesbian?"
*Now I know this is not true as every girl, lesbian or straight does this!*
*Envy.... One of my greatest sin*

All these questions.... Nobody to answer them.
Heck I didn't have anyone to talk to. Who could I have gone to?
My mom? Yea...sure.. As it is she has such a big problem with Nigel now imagine if I had a girlfriend.
Metal bars will be fixed to my windows and door.

So I did what I could do.
Let my mind wonder and see how far it would take me.
Took me really far actually but eventually after an hour or so I decided to make sure who I was.
I decided by imagining myself kissing a girl. Straight away Karisha's image came to my mind.
* I kissed her before when we were 6 to see what it felt like.... Nothing more.... :) *
It was to disgusting thinking of kissing my own sister so I went on to other girls but none came to my mind and it didn't have any effect on me.

Next thing : BOOBS

Well of course I was envious of those who had heavy racks and I have always found their assets "interesting".
I mean how can they become so big?!?!?
Imagine when these girls who own this big "assets" hit their sixties. It will all sag and look like papaya's, needing to be lifted up onto their shoulders so gravity won't cause these poor not-so-hot-anymore girl's to fall down.

Anyway, it did not get me turned on so much. So that's marked off. Anything following that also was marked off. Would not go into any details now. lol.

So it was clear. I was not a lesbian. Plus only MEN can give me the "chills" that go up my spine. No woman's touch have ever made me feel the "chills".

So to make myself clear.... I thought I was a lesbian but I am NOT.


However, back to Brother's and Sisters.... Gay people who are together with one another do get me turned on at times.
*very rarely but at times*
*Which is why sometimes I ask Nigel to go screw or give a BJ to another guy when he can't turn me on. lol.*

So what does that mean?

I'm screwed up..... lol.


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